Is this just biochemistry?

I woke up today feeling quite low. I suppose this is one of the things I can't help. It's biochemistry in my brain. Sometimes I accept it as so. Some days I feel helpless. Then I go out, and watch people, stare at the stars, find beauty in the smallest of things and places. Sometimes, even the darkest alleys speak out to you.

The capacity and capability to love has always landed me in places that hurt me. But when I think about it, it's probably time. It's probably a sign. If no stars appear in my horizon, it's time to make a move. It's time to care for myself. It's finally time.

It's finally time to do what I want to do, without having to think of someone else.

I have no qualms thinking of someone else every step of the way, if the other person thinks of me too. But like I wrote a while back, if I spend time thinking about other people and they don't think about me, I end up hurting, and they end up happy. And life's not fair, but that's it. So I should better be going on life, moving on.

It's probably time to move on. From everything. And everyone. Of course, there are those I hold dear. I wish they knew how much they mean to me, and I really hope I mean to them as much as they mean to me. But loving someone doesn't make someone love you.

So move on.

It's going to take me some time. Some struggling and grappling with reality, and these waves of uncertainty. But I think soon enough I will be on my way to something better.

I said I don't ever want to be jaded. But maybe, just maybe, love doesn't heal. Time doesn't heal. The only thing that heals is picking up the pieces and moving on.

Or maybe we're all just broken puppets.