Overwhelmed

Why does the world overwhelm me so? I feel like I can't exist here. It gets too much sometimes. I'm not sure if anyone sees me for who I am, or who I can be. But what can you do when your good isn't good enough?

I told a friend that I feel it should be a balance, that we should sometimes overwhelm the world with our existence. In a good way, I hope. And earlier today, I was saying that I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've had a lot of fun, and if I keep hitting walls I'll just keep hitting them until I break down the wall or find an opening.

The truth is, I've found a lot of pain too. But every now and then, you wonder if anyone around you looks at you and thinks "this one's a fighter". Because I don't know if anyone knows how much of a fight I have to put up to simply exist in this world, sometimes.

And if you want an update on my love life, I just want to say these three words: What's going on?

But then again, I'm not sure. I mean, I thought to myself a few days ago. The fact that I know how to hurt and how to feel pain may not necessarily mean it's a bad thing. The ability to feel makes us human. It also means I am not jaded. Which I am glad for. I can still feel. I can still love.

And that's the thing about love. I get tired of giving, not knowing if my love means anything to the people I give it to. But maybe no one loses when it comes to love. Because, as a friend puts it, I know what love is. I actually know what it feels like. I actually know what it can do to you - the good and the bad. And not a lot of people know that. Or not a lot of people care to acknowledge that.

But the truth is, it's 6am and I'm too tired. I think this conversation needs a better time friend. Like 4am. Because 4am knows all my secrets.